Beam me up Scotty

Well, it's the post you all have been waiting for. I was able to bravely capture a picture of Captain Dirk in class last night.
This picture is completely characteristic of his entire persona. Last night was another near tears from laughing so hard episode. I was able to keep things under control -- since he kept looking at me while he was presenting his bag. And as he was talking I thought about how as a counselor you can't ever fall off your chair no matter how badly you want to. So I practiced keeping a very serious face, although inside I was going crazy. Below I have pasted my summary of what he had to say about himself. It keeps getting more and more strange.

He starts by telling us that he hated the assignment. Then he said that he had people close to him write on the bag about how they view him. Now keep in mind, these are comments from people close to him: arrogant, egotistical, talks to much... He chuckled to himself and said that while all the comments are negative, they make sense to him because of what's on the inside. He begins talking about the inside by saying that he is a Christian. Next he says that true believers really have to combine all religions together to really get it. Specifically astrology (but he says he can't educate us on this in 2 minutes -- nevermind that none of us even pretended to want to be educated about it.) So he says that if we want to know about who he is inside we have to understand Scorpios. There is what he says about himself: "On the dark side I am jealous, resentful, obstinate, obsessive, compulsive and secretive. Individuals born under this sign are thought to have a complex, emotional, analytical, focused, determined, hypnotic, and self-contained character, but one which is also prone to extremity, jealousy, possessiveness, stubbornness, and cruelty (at which point someone in the room gasps). In fact they are not above expressing vindictiveness in deliberate cruelty (at which point I gasp--internally, of course). Brooding resentment, aggressive and sadistic brutality, total arrogance, morbid jealousy, extreme volatility of temperament, these are some of their vices."

--For the sake of the blog and your entertainment, Captain Dirk now thinks I am actually interested in his astrology mumbojumbo. During our break I asked him if I could look through his papers. When he wasn't looking I copied down some of the crazy stuff he said. So hopefully he won't think we have any sort of bond -- but for the blog, it will be worth it. --

So enough of that for now. You get the idea. Here is where it gets better (or worse, really). Now is where he goes into his special psychic powers. He said that there was someone very close to him, like a daughter to him that died some time ago. Her death was a mystery to everyone but she visited him and revealed everything to him so that he could tell everyone else. He said that he gets these visitations every now and then from people. And God has also given him a special job (God spoke to him after his first visitation) -- this special job is to be a guardian. At which point he shows us this creepy picture of an angel in the sky. He said that he is a guardian for many trouble young adolescents. His exact words, "I've been working with a little boy, well he's almost 17 now but I became his guardian when he was going into 7th grade." I'm sorry, but given what he has shared about himself up to this point all I can think is that Captain Dirk is a child molester.

One other little tidbit from class -- Captain Dirk says that if a kid is bad it is because the parents are bad. And if a kid is good, it's because the parents are good. Bravely I questioned him about this -- asking if he says that is the case for every situation across the board. Absolutely he says. If a kids makes bad choices it is because the parents have done something wrong along the way. The class went nuts on him. It was great. And all joking aside, if you think of it, pray for Cptn. Dirk -- he's really lost.

SO.... I leave you with that today. Until next week...